... and 4 years later...

My last post was in 2018. A lot has happened since. And, also, hasn't happened. 

What has happened: 

-im now 40

-my student loans are gone.

What hasn't happened:

-a lot.

A lot has complicated that though. Life. COVID. life choices. And I'm here.

Anyways. I focus a lot on what I don't have sometimes. And I need to start focusing on what I do have:

-family.

-job.

-friends.

-i can get around somewhat easily.

-i can travel.

-my jeep.

-hobbies.

But, dude. What I don't have and what I want I'd a partner, a family of my own.. and it just seems like it isn't gonna happen. At times, I'm ok with it. And then I'm not. I need to deal with that. My biggest fear is being alone, and honestly, it's here. 

Trying to force myself outside my comfort zone and get on those stupid apps. Ugh. And what do you know.. you get matched with either idiots or scammers. I know there are some good ones out there... but they get hidden in the mess of the asses who just want to use a hotel for the afternoon and the scammers. Well, it sucks. And it totally makes me want to quit. 

Ok. I'm done with the pitty party. And, now I need to do some scuba studying.